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The first stitch went through my sleeve. The second went through the umbrella. By the time I sorted out which one I wanted to repair, the driver had passed my stop. I walked back in the rain under an umbrella that now opens crooked but stays open.
Timer starts when I put the kettle on. Objective: find both ends of the duvet cover and get the duvet inside before the final spin stops. I won. My left arm was still in the cover when I pressed stop on my phone, which I am counting as a legal finish.
Packing list: two shirts, charger, clean socks, orange cat. The cat added himself at 7:12 and refused to take questions. I took him out. At 7:16 he put one sock back in the suitcase, which I thought was a generous compromise.
The bus station has one bench facing the wall. At midnight it was the only seat left, so I parked myself at the end of it with a bag of oranges for my sister. A cleaner knocked his broom against the bench and asked a teenager if he knew gin rummy. The kid said he'd never seen anyone play cards without a phone. The cleaner pulled out a deck with two different backs and said it didn't matter as long as you didn't look. By half past twelve there were four of us. I peeled the oranges between hands. We kept the score on the back of a receipt until somebody used it to wipe orange juice off the bench. The kid won three hands and got on the first bus out without ever learning the score. I told my sister I got stuck at the station. I could have left after the first hand.
Two hardbacks, twelve centimeters apart. First bridge: flat, one coin. Second: folded once, three. Third: an accordion fold, eleven before one end walked off the book. My nephew put the twelfth coin in his pocket and awarded himself the contract.
+1 photosEvery morning the ducks leave in a loose line. Today one stayed behind and faced the bank. Nobody moved until she hopped up, shook off the water and walked across the path. I stood there holding my bike. I don't remember electing her, but I definitely waited for permission.
I found an old tape with my aunt's handwriting on it. The spool wouldn't turn, so I spent a minute with a yellow pencil trying to wind it past the crease. The first thing I heard was her counting the band in. Then somebody dropped a tray. She left that on the tape.
Recovered from the dungeon: • One bent spoon • Two usable candles • A key to a door somebody had already opened • Four library books • A note saying RETURN THESE BY THURSDAY The dungeon was the space behind my bed. Took longer than my last actual dungeon.
April: one cutting in a glass. May: roots. June: the only clear spot left was where I put my coffee down. July: a snail showed up and immediately found a better place to sit than I did. I gave away three jars of cuttings. Two of the recipients have stopped answering my texts.
+2 photosI'd already run it under hot water, tapped it with the handle of a knife and asked the strongest person in the kitchen. Then my grandmother took the rubber band off the asparagus and put it around the lid. I opened it. We pretended I had loosened it for her.
At the school fundraiser the host asked to see hands for lot 17. I raised mine to ask where the bathroom was. The number on the back of my chair was 17. Seventeen dollars later I took it home. It is still the only chair in my kitchen that doesn't rock.
Thirty-eight seconds. Personal best. Posting this took longer.
Monday: too much rice. Tuesday: back for a second apple. Wednesday: bought chips at four. Thursday: perfect, until I remembered I had packed for two and eaten both. Friday I brought a yogurt and let the day happen to me.
My bike basket had room for the box if I wedged it in on its edge. I told myself icing was structural. It wasn't. At home my daughter looked at the one clean half and asked if she could have the ruined half because it had more frosting. I have been serving the ruined half first ever since.
I sent a photograph of a coat on a chair and asked who'd left it. Mum said Dad. Dad said my sister. My sister said it was mine. Then I turned it over and found our dog's old blanket folded underneath. Everyone wanted it left exactly where it was.
Quick scrape, wait, little click: next door with the old dog. Two bangs: the man with the bicycle. No sound until he's already behind you: the kid who oiled the hinge on his side and never told anybody. Nobody knows how I know who is coming. I have decided to let them think I have better hearing than I do.
The book is an atlas and it sticks out of every bookcase I've ever had. I measured it carefully, built a shelf to the exact depth and put it up. I had measured the book lying down. A year later the atlas is still flat on the shelf. I look at maps a surprising amount now.
I volunteered to read at a tiny bookshop. There were six people when I started. Two had to catch a bus, one got a phone call, and the other three eventually went to look at the shelves. They left every chair but one in place. The owner sat in it and asked me to finish. So I read the last page to her, slower than I'd read the rest.
Day one: propped it up so the thumb pointed at the road. Day three: put a clothes peg on it to stop the wind. Day six: there were two gloves. Day seven: there were none. I've been taking credit for the whole reunion, although my contribution was one peg.
No, that's not a whale. No, the apostrophe goes at the end. No, don't ring the bell yet. We got nine out of ten. On the last one I said no to the right answer as well. Next week I'm in charge of buying the crisps.
My kitchen seats four if nobody opens the fridge. I invited six people, told them the narrow aisle was an immersive dining experience, and printed a menu with no prices. This was mainly because the printer ran out of ink. Course one was a single dry noodle standing upright in a shot glass. Course two was the same noodle, cooked. By course three, somebody had started taking notes. My neighbor brought a bottle of tap water and introduced himself as the sommelier. We served it in a measuring jug and called it the house pairing. For the main course I used half an egg per bowl and gave the remaining halves a separate table. A guest asked how long the broth had aged. “Since the kettle boiled,” I said. He wrote down “young, expressive.” The last course was the seasoning packet on a silver spoon. Everyone laughed until one guest asked if the packet came from a single farm. I turned it over. It came from a factory in New Jersey. I didn't get a Michelin star. I did get a second booking, which I turned down because it would have meant washing the measuring jug.
The printer still says GUEST when my manager taps his badge. Mine says ADMIN because I’m the only person who knows where the spare toner is. I haven’t corrected either of us.
Pickup game, 8–8. My shoe came off under the rim. I made the layup, went back for it, and they scored while I was tying it. We won on the next possession. I’ve been telling people the shoe was a tactical substitution.
I stood very still beside a sculpture while waiting for my friend. The guide said the artist was interested in stillness, so I held my breath. A visitor leaned in and asked what material I was made of. I said mostly coffee. The guide called that an artist statement and kept walking.
The rain started at 4:11, precisely when I put twelve burgers on the grill. I moved the grill under the awning. The cloud moved over the awning. At that point I considered it personal. I wrote a complaint on the back of the grocery receipt. Under “desired outcome” I put sunshine, dry buns, and an acknowledgment that the timing was weird. I clipped it to the clothesline with two pegs so the weather couldn't claim it never got the letter. Ten minutes later the rain stopped. A rainbow appeared over the neighbor's fence. Everyone said it was beautiful. I said it was a partial refund. The buns were still wet and the rainbow expired before we could use it. I kept the receipt. We're doing ribs next Saturday, and I'd like a paper trail.
My kid bowled 76 with the bumpers up. I bowled 74 with the bumpers down. In the car he asked what I did with the other two points.